In Chapter 4 of Ephesians we learned that we must first perfect our walk. Then we must work towards unity in the body of Christ, constantly growing together to strengthen our faith. We learned that we must work together as a team, not as individuals.
Now let’s move on to Chapter 5. Verse one sets the tone by telling us to be “imitators of God, as beloved children”. Wait a minute. What's this about being beloved children? Didn’t we just learn in Chapter 5 to turn from our childish ways?
We did. In this passage, the example the Apostle Paul is giving us is one of a child who looks up to his father. Hopefully you had a loving father that you looked up to. Or maybe there was another adult male in your life that you looked upon as a surrogate dad. A kind of dad that you admired and wanted to be just like him. You snuck into his closet and put on his coat. Maybe walked in his shoes. This is the type of beloved relationship God wants us to have with Him. He wants us to adore Him. To imitate Him. To be just like Him.
In basic training we must build up the character of men. A good soldier is disciplined. He respects authority. Chapter 5 is where we receive instructions in Holy Living. We learn the importance of being imitators of God.
Verses 3 thru 5 list a series of traits you can not have as imitators of God.
“… sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints. Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving. For you may be sure of this, that everyone who is sexually immoral or impure, or who is covetous (that is an idolater), has no inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God.”
Scripture tells us that sexual immorality, impurity and covetousness must not even be named among us. Not only do we not practice these traits, but we should not associate with them in any way. You may not be a thief, but if you are seen in the company of thieves, you will be perceived as a thief.
A successful recovering alcoholic remains humble. He knows that if he does not maintain his sobriety, he can lapse back into alcoholism, no matter how much time has passed since his last drink. Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic. Once a drug addict, always a drug addict. Once a sinner, always a sinner. Don’t ever delude yourself into thinking that you have beaten sin and can safely return that that old lifestyle.
Let there be no foolish talk or crude joking in your speech, but rather let your words be encouraging and humble. Speak of the things that bless you. If you see a brother in sin, admonish him in love, but do not tear him down with harsh words.
Bad character reflects weakness and lack of discipline. I work in the field of construction. Course speaking and crude joking are the accepted norm. It would be easy for me to slip into that character, to be viewed as "one of the guys". It might make me more friends, but it isn't doing a thing for my testimony or my walk as a Christian man.
We need to remember that as believers, we are chosen by God. We were bought with a price. As Christians, we are held to a higher standard than those who walk in the flesh. God expects more from us, and we must honor that at all times.
Verses 6 thru 11 advise us to “Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. Therefore do not associate with them; for at one time you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light (for the fruit of light is found in all that is good and right and true), and try to discern what is pleasing to the Lord. Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them.”
The wrath of God comes down on the sons of disobedience. The sons of disobedience refers to anyone that is against God. Remember when we sin we are at war with God. This passage tells us to not be deceived by empty words, and to try to discern what is pleasing to the Lord. Empty words are words without substance. They are words that are not breathed out by God.
In our current lives, false teachers try to deceive us with empty words. We are surrounded by false teachers in our society today. Some of these wolves are so cleverly disguised as sheep that they slip by even the most discerning among us.
At first glance false teachers give the appearance of Christians. They come disguised as angels of light teaching the word of God. They use Scripture as a tool to lure followers into Hell with promises of wealth and prosperity. They proclaim salvation via a life of works. They redirect your focus to the teacher rather than to God’s Word. Their teaching omits the true Gospel of salvation by faith alone.
Worldview issues concerning false teachings are so prevalent that we must have at least a cursory understanding of what the world is embracing as truth so that we can relate to those who have been drawn into those lies. A good military leader will know his enemy. But before you learn about the other guys, you have to have a firm and solid knowledge of Scripture. You have to know the truth before you can spot a lie.
Gaining that knowledge of His Word must be your top priority. When you board a commercial airliner, they tell you about the oxygen masks that will drop if cabin pressure is lost. They tell you that you must put the mask on yourself first before you place the mask on your children. You can not help victims of false teaching if you aren’t strong in the Word first.
Verses 15 and 16 tell us “Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil.”
I recently heard a radio sermon by Pastor Chip Ingram. In the message he challenged us by asking if we were busy counting our days or were we busy making our days count? We don’t know how many days we have left. Are you being a good steward of your time? Are you a full time Christian or a part timer?
Have you fooled yourself into thinking that showing up on Sundays and maybe a home study group is adequate to “make a showing”? What do you do with your time on the other days?
Your family is watching. You need to be a Christian 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Seize every opportunity to share God’s Word with your family, friends, co-workers, with everyone you meet. Strengthen your knowledge of Scripture by being in the Word daily.
If you were training for the Olympics, you wouldn’t just go to the gym once or twice a week and then spend the rest of your time watching TV and eating pizza. You would be immersed in a mental and physical discipline every single day. Your focus would be clear and deliberate.
Do you share my belief that we are in end times? Are you feeling that sense of urgency? We are living in an age where if you are openly against sins such as abortion and homosexuality, YOU are the bad guy! It isn’t going to get any easier. Look at how much society has degraded in just the last 10 years. What do you think the next 10 years will bring? Be a good steward of your time. Make your days count.
Verses 22 through 33 speak to us about marriage. I would love to spend more time discussing marriage with you, but that's a whole different workshop. My wife and I lead small group studies in marriage. We both feel very strongly that marriage should be a continuing study. Aside from our love for God, marriage should be our top priority. Even above our kids. Remember the analogy I gave earlier about the oxygen masks dropping down from the overhead in the airplane? Our marriages come first. Your marriage is intended to reflect Christ's love for the church. How you treat your wife will lay the foundation for how your children view marriage.
The best book I have read on marriage is by John Piper. It’s titled This Momentary Marriage. That’s kind of a strange title for a marriage guide, right? Trust me, this is an amazing book. My wife and I have lead many couples through this book and everyone agrees it has changed how they look at marriage. If you are married, I consider this a must-read. If you are single and think that someday you might get married, this is a must-read.
For now, I am going to focus on how the passages apply to men as leaders.
Verse 23 tell us that “… the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church”.
John Piper defines headship as “the divine calling of a husband to take primary responsibility for Christ-like servant leadership, protection and provision in the home.”
Notice he points out that the husband is to take primary responsibility. The wife should share this duty, just as the husband should share the role of submission. But what Scripture points to is that men are primarily responsible for leadership in the family.
We are responsible for three things. Christ-like servant leadership, protection and provision. Servant leadership is a term coined by Robert Greenleaf in 1970 to describe his management philosophy.
A servant leader requires developing the following characteristics:
Listening: He listens and acts upon feedback from those he leads.
Empathy: He attempts to understand and empathize with others. He has a respect for those he leads and cares for their well being.
Healing: He takes initiative to resolve conflict.
Persuasion: He does not manipulate those he leads but leads by example using clear communication.
Foresight: He sees the big picture and anticipates future needs of those he is responsible for. He draws upon past experiences.
Stewardship: He manages his resources wisely. He manages his time and finances well.
Biblically speaking, we see servant leadership displayed by Jesus. In Luke 22:26 he says to the Disciples “…let the greatest among you become as the youngest, and the leader as one who serves.” In Mark 9:35 Jesus tells the Disciples “If anyone would be first, he must be last of all and servant of all.”
Probably the greatest display of servant leadership is when Jesus washes the feet of the Disciples. Did this act of submission make Jesus any less of a leader? Did it diminish his authority in any way? No.
In addition to Christ-like servant leadership, we are responsible for the protection and provision of our families. Not just the physical protection and provision, but the spiritual protection and provision as well.
Verse 25 teaches us “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.”
With leadership comes great responsibility. We must take the lead in all matters concerning our households. We must act decisively, not passively. Certain things we may choose to defer to our wives because their gifts are better suited, but ultimately we are responsible.
If our wife our children get into trouble with the law, and the police officer comes to knock on our door, he doesn't say can I speak to little Billy please? No, he asks for the man of the house. We are accountable for our families, we are the ones that will ultimately answer to authority for the actions of our families.
As husbands we are to take the initiative. When you and your wife have a disagreement, it is up to us as leaders to make the first move towards reconciliation.
If we lead our families in a Christ-like manner, they will find it natural to submit to us. They will trust us to make the important decisions because they will know we love them as Christ loves us. There is security and peace in knowing you are following a good and decisive leader.
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